Zillow listing for the Castle of Otranto

Source Text: The Castle of Otranto

Kenilworth_Castle_England

Image Source / Creative Commons

Realize your dreams of hereditary usurpment at a sprawling 46-acre wooded estate! A rustic 13th-century front gate opens into a courtyard with enough space for three knights plus 350 attendants and their horses, or one Escalade. Courtyard highlights include a whimsically oversize helmet that doubles as a play structure (with optional child-safety features, never used). Inside, the elegant foyer leads to a luxurious banquet hall, perfect for enjoying family dinners or consenting to single combat. First-floor corridors are lined with animated portraits guaranteed to delight the kids on those late-night bathroom trips. Bedrooms feature casement windows that open out to the courtyard and offer excellent acoustics for some late-night pillow talk. In the back, a stately gallery offers extensive floorspace stretching over an area of several meters or just one foot (if it’s a big one).

A spring-loaded trap door on the ground floor pops up to reveal the basement, ideal for hiding from megalomaniacal in-laws. Also makes an excellent wine cellar! Subterranean vault links to a nearby monastery, where a few minutes’ walk brings you to a rustic church with a charming statue centerpiece. Statue comes with fully functional sanguinary fountain spray, perfect for summer parties.

Property comes fully equipped with central heating/AC and assorted phantasmagoria.

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