Dear Mr. Frankenstein,
The Admissions Committee of Ingolstadt Medical University has completed its review of your application, and we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in this year’s entering class. Our committee faced a difficult task in deciding among the many highly qualified applicants, and we realize that many competent applicants will be unable to gain admission this year. If, however, you wish to reapply at some future point, please consider the following parts of your application that might be strengthened.
While we concur with you that your earlier study of Paracelsus and Albertus Magnus has few modern applications, as their so-called “exploded systems” have been superseded by more advanced knowledge, we feel your conclusion falls a little short. The works of Drs. Krempe and Waldeman that you replaced them with may indeed contain “a great deal of sound sense and real information”, but these authors’ publications rather noticeably lack an impact factor, citations or even PMID. Moreover, we suspect that their research may also be out of date, as most of it seems to have been published on parchment.
We appreciate your utter conviction that you are uniquely fated for a career in science, although it seems a little odd that fate steered you first toward a defunct field of scientific study. Fate also appears to have directed you away from any courses remotely resembling bioethics. We feel that for one intended for a career in medicine or any other field involving contact with actual humans, this shows remarkably curious judgment on, uh, “fate’s” part.
Finally, your “independent study” project, as you call it, is rather lacking in detail regarding its purpose and methodology and also appears to require a great deal of grave-robbing, which (we assure you) is not going to pass IRB. While we admire your ambition and your all-consuming desire for these experiments to ultimately “bestow animation upon lifeless matter”, as you call it, it seems this could more easily be accomplished using techniques in modern genetics. Or, failing that, with a candlelit dinner, a willing partner, some form of ethanol and an evening of very poor decision-making.
Please do not consider this a reflection on your academic ability, but feel free to view it as one on your moral character and your overall mien. We wish you the greatest success in your career and in your further efforts to gain admission to medical school — somewhere else.
The Admissions Committee
Ingolstadt Medical University
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