Join our gothic convent today!


Are you looking for a lifelong profession of holy contemplation and unholy terrors? Then come join our gothic convent! Whether you’re looking for a total career change, wanting to get a leg up  with one of our “Evil Abbess-In-Training” management seminars, or just trying to flee an undesirable marriage, this could be the perfect choice for you!

Our comprehensive program includes hands-on coursework in high-demand fields like gardening and toxicology. Got a bit of a green thumb? Want to secretly grow your own wolfsbane or learn how to eliminate a rival undetected? Let us help you turn that passion into a profession!

Our well-rounded curriculum also includes plenty of physical exercise, the foundation for a healthy religious life. Enjoy the heart-pounding thrill of running blindly through our dark, rat-infested subterranean passageways, and the invigorating rush of searching desperately for a way back to the entrance in the crypt. Or savor the quiet, meditative struggle of trying to dig yourself out after being walled up alive. The opportunities are endless!

We also offer hands-on experience in midwifery and obstetrics, as you attend to the secret pregnancies of your vow-breaking fellow novitiates. Always wanted to hustle a crying newborn out of a cell so it can grow up elsewhere constantly wondering about its mysterious parentage? Well, look no further! Don’t miss your chance!

Now enrolling novitiates for the next term. Call us today!

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