Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester’s Wedding Registry

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We cordially invite you to join us at Thornfield on the morrow for a celebration of our nuptials, which is 100% certain to take place. Should you wish to bring a gift in honor of this wedding which is definitely going to happen, please consider one of the following items from our registry:

  • Bed sheets, both fitted and flat (400+ thread count preferred! :-)) and pillowcases, so that we may rest in comfort after the exhaustion of our wedding day, definitely the first one for both of us.
  • Hand towels for our bathroom, monogrammed in honor of our blessed union, to which there is assuredly not a single impediment.
  • Place settings, for all our meals as a happy couple after this wedding which is totally going to occur.
  • Set of kitchen knives, so that we can prepare wholesome meals together, instead of having Rochester constantly order takeout like the bachelor he has been this whole time up until now.
  • Picture frames, for all the memories we will make of our happy life at Thornfield, where it’s just going to be the two of us and not a single other person living there.

Interested parties should also feel free to donate to our honeymoon / attic renovation fund. Our dream is to one day refurbish that space at the top of the house which, as you all know, is totally and completely unoccupied. For some reason, Rochester wants to put in ceiling sprinklers.

Sincerely,

Mr. Edward Rochester and Miss Jane Eyre

Image Source / Public Domain

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Jane Eyre’s Letter of Resignation

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Thornfield Manor

Millcote

–shire

 

Dear Mr. Rochester,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of governess at Thornfield. It has been a pleasure working with you over the last several months, and I am grateful for the personal and professional development opportunities made available to me here, howsoever limited in scope. Unfortunately, I feel that the time has come for me to seek some other source of employment, ideally in a venue with more than three non-related coworkers.

If I should be granted the chance to provide feedback on my recent position, I would like to discuss the following in my exit interview:

Please consider resolving the numerous OSHA and HR violations encountered in the course of my duties. These include but are not limited to: housing a chronically ill and emotionally volatile relative on the premises without notifying the staff. Failing to install fire extinguishers in the appropriate areas. Mandating that your employees work off the clock in the evenings to accompany your rambling, incoherent conversations. Failing to respond to employee complaints of harassment from one Miss Ingram and her associates. And so on.

I would also like to address the issue of your numerous inappropriate advances. The dates and nature of these incidents, including a marriage proposal later retracted on account of fraud, have been meticulously recorded. As have the statements of several corroborating witnesses. Suffice to say: my barrister will be in touch, sir.

To ensure a smooth transition, I will be immediately transferring my remaining duties to Mrs. Fairfax and boarding the first available stagecoach leaving this godforsaken backwater. While my future career prospects may be uncertain, this opportunity for imminent departure is simply too exciting for me to decline.

I wish you every success in your future endeavors.

Best Regards,

Jane Eyre

 

P.S. Please consider ripping out the lightning-struck chestnut tree at the front gate. It’s a fire hazard.

P.P.S. Pilot needs to be fixed.

 

Image Source / Public Domain